Days of Inspiration

December 11, 2014February 12, 2015

Yesterday started out as a really hard day for me. When I woke up, the things that are wrong with my life weighed heavily on my heart, mesmerizing me to the point of destabilizing me.

I’ve endured these debilitating days periodically throughout my life. My usual strength seems like a sham, my resilience is a distant, invisible shore, and my many blessings have no more substance than twisting shadows. Even when I try to enumerate the specific graces of my life–because gratitude is one of my go-to tactics for self repair–they vanish before I can grip and savor them.

Then I saw some excellent tweets. Yes, of all things, the mercurial Deva of Twitter stepped in to succor me. A blogger had mentioned my name in her “Top ten authors of 2014” list. A Spanish man had glowingly tweeted his enjoyment of my novel “En Inmortal.”

I called my friend Jan and she patiently and lovingly talked me through my conundrums. She herself has experienced similar challenges, so she had insight to offer. She’s one of those brilliant souls with deep wisdom gleaned from living with presence and authenticity. She also has, oh, a million talents. I pay attention when she talks. Jan understands about pain and love and life and longing.

Gently, at one point in our conversation, Jan said, “You see things so clearly, Traci. That’s your sin.” Then she explained her meaning, and I gained new clarity.

My lovely friend Lori emailed me “So much love” and invited me to email back. I poured my heart out to her, and she emailed back with such fierceness on my behalf. Her empathy is amazing. It moved me and humbled me. And I got another dose of it today on Skype, and today we could laugh together, too. Just seeing her bright face lightened everything.

Beautiful Michelle Skyped in today, uplifting my day with her piquant presence and all the glamorous goings on of her life. She’s a canny, perceptive soul and she listened closely when I explained what bothered me. She had practical advice that was specially tailored for Traci, and no, it wasn’t drinking red wine, though we giggled most rambunctiously about that.

Aren’t giggles just the best medicine?

So from an inauspicious morning flowed two days of kindness from people I love who love me. That’s been the biggest learning of these middle years: to fill my life with people who love me and support me, people I can trust. I wish I’d known long ago to do so. Maybe I felt I didn’t deserve them.

There was affirmation, too, in the form of the “Best of authors” Blog list and the Spanish gentleman’s tweet–and that always helps.

For anyone who reads this post, I wish that you may experience the same kindness and love and affirmation, when your heart trembles.

For a pix to accompany this blog: FiberOptic Fairy II, our tree topper. Because she’s whimsical and unintentionally funny, and earnest and sweet, and full of holiday spirit. And I’m grateful to her, the way I’m grateful to my friends, that she holds her place so gracefully.

blogs | book reviews | special

Fun New Review of THE LOVE OF MY (OTHER) LIFE

Fun New Review of THE LOVE OF MY (OTHER) LIFE

Momma’s Books blog — “So many books, so little time”– did a sweet review of my novel THE LOVE OF MY (OTHER) LIFE. Check it out.

“In the end I was left with a tear in my eye and a smile on my face! I enjoyed the story and I am glad that I took the time to read it. There are a few things that just get you to think.”

Announcing THE YEAR OF LOVING

Announcing THE YEAR OF LOVING

I am delighted to announce the forthcoming publication of THE YEAR OF LOVING.

Art gallerist Sarah Paige’s world is crumbling. One daughter barely speaks to her and the other is off the rails. Sarah is struggling to keep her gallery afloat in a tough market when she learns that her most beloved friend has cancer. In the midst of her second divorce, two men come into her life: an older man who offers companionship and stability and an exciting younger man whose life is as chaotic as hers.

Sarah’s courage, humor, and spirit strengthen her, but how much can she bear, and what sustains her when all else falls away?

THE YEAR OF LOVING is available on Amazon.com for pre-order. Publication date is October 10, 2016.

Look for a blog tour in November from Bewitching Book Tours!

Returning to Source and Writing Again

Write again, they are telling me. You must write, Traci.

It’s the new theme: writing again.

The past twelve months have been excruciating. I am struggling.

It’s been a year of comings and goings from my life; intermittency like a suddenly thrown grenade blew up my peace of mind. It has been a year of travel, loss, loneliness, bad advice, uncertainty, sadness, emptiness, tough choices, betrayal, humiliation.

It has also been a year of joy: the birth of my beautiful grandson, deepening friendships, richer closeness with my sweet middle daughter. A lot of yoga! Books newly cherished. A beautiful place that has come into my consciousness as a home.

Change is afoot.

Write again, my husband says, as if that will erase everything that has passed between us. His eyes are soft and his voice is loving as he counsels me. Write again. He holds me often throughout the day.

His hands on my shoulders, my arms, my breasts, my belly help me. He is kind. And I am still struggling.

In every moment brims the fullness of the spiritual imperative: We are here to love, to learn, to work, and to play. We are here to choose love over fear.

Why then this heart ache?

For what reason did I come here? I’ve asked myself a thousand times over the last span of time.

What is the imperative that I am mindful of it?

How have I betrayed myself?

I suspect it’s the effort to answer these questions that will heal me. It’s the journey itself that will return me to Source–whatever the destination may be.

art | writing

Day 4: Letter to a friend

Day 4: Letter to a friend
The light at this time of year stretches seductively far into the evening—even at 9:30 or 10, a honeyed lucence falls on everything—it leaves me drunk with wakefulness, my nerve endings silkily keyed up, and wrestling around on the bed, unable to sleep. Then I wake too late in the morning and scold myself for getting to work haphazardly. Unrepentant I.

Today I went to the Musee Jean Moulin, where I learned anew how important propaganda was during WW2. Now we have pedestrian advertising, but then both sides, Allies and Axis, sought to gain entrance into hearts and minds. And did you realize how many French were conscripted to work in Germany, to feed the industrial war machine?

When I returned home, Mme Durand waited at my door. Had she been inside my apartment? Weirdest feeling, like octopus tentacles writhing, that she had! Her stern face gave away nothing. She said, “I have too much pain today with my hip.”

“I used to be a healer, shall I try to help you?” I asked, holding up my hands, palms out.

She muttered something in French which I translated into a directive ordering me to keep my *!@# * hands to myself. She thrust a brown-paper-wrapped package at me. “You will take this to the Gare du Nord and deliver it to Francois at 4:00. Do not be late.” Then she bustled into her apartment and slammed the door before I could query her further. Who is Francois, and how will I find him?

I took the package inside and examined it without opening it. Darned if it wasn’t the package given to Mme Durand by the argumentative couple. To my inquisitive fingertips, it felt like a painting in an elaborately carved frame. I must confess—I took the painting to the window and checked out the tape that sealed the edges—Wanted to know if I’d be able to unwrap and rewrap. Curiosity etc. But the tape was firmly applied. I couldn’t get inside undetected, and the coy light through the paper revealed only the indistinct ridges of a frame.

Jean-Sven heard me leaving at 3:30 and rushed down to inform me that he was taking me to dinner. Angelique has a gig and she’s rehearsing today. “Wear something sexy,” he said, his blue eyes smiling.

“By sexy, you mean clean?” I clarified. I’ve been writing a lot, so I’m usually in stinky yoga togs, and throw on whatever’s at hand to go out. This is my writing space; personal grooming is, while not exactly optional, certainly pared down to a minimum.

Jean-Sven gave me a look of pure exasperation. You’d have to be half French and half Swede to look that disgusted. “A dress, one that is superbe,” he commanded. So I am glad that the Wayward Countess advised me to pack the long red silk sheath. “One never knows,” she said. Indeed.

I arrived at the Gare du Nord promptly at 4:00—you remarked once that I was extraordinarily punctual, it’s an old, bad habit of mine—I wasn’t there for two minutes when a man bumped into me. He murmured something in Hebrew and took the package. He winked and vanished into the crowd. I was left standing with my mouth agape. I hope that was Francois!

On the way home I wandered into the Luxembourg Gardens, and an exquisite, soul-ravishing Chagall show. His works were burned by Nazis and shown in their “Degenerate art” show.

Now I’m sitting at my little desk, gussied up enough to please even the most exacting Franco-Swede. I’m posting my latest missive and waiting for Jean-Sven, whom I shall remind about my marital status. You are probably entirely unaware of these notes, which come to you so fondly and so gratefully for your part in this. If you even care; you are so very well defended, and have forgotten that we are not all that way. Some of us are open. Well, til tomorrow, with my warmest thoughts.

hard work | research | review

Review of the Samsung Galaxy S4, by an iPhone User

Review of the Samsung Galaxy S4

I am an admitted Apple fangurl. I was an early, enthralled iPhone adopter. I went to the Apple Store within the first week of the iPhone’s introduction, stood in line, and lovingly brought home the wondrous creature.

But of late, all these years later, I found myself increasingly interested in the flexibility of the Android ecosystem. One of my friends has a Galaxy S3 and I had serious screen envy–my goodness, that screen is luscious!

I also haven’t been wowed by the latest iPhone offerings. Yawn.

So last week, when my iPhone 4 was taken over by aliens and the iPod app wouldn’t let me dial out, I went to AT&T and cashed in my upgrade for a Samsung Galaxy S4. I’ve been playing with it for almost a week, so here’s the review, and my thoughts on it from negative to positive.

The really awful: There are two really terrible qualities. I mean, really awful.

One, the mail client is god-awful bad horrible. I guess this is android-wide and not specific to the Galaxy. But after the iOs mail client, the android mail client is clunky, unreadable, and confusing. It’s not just bad, it’s terrible–I can’t emphasize this strongly enough. It doesn’t sync often enough and the UI is impenetrable. I tried downloading another android mail client called K9 and I’m not impressed with it, either.

Any iPhone user will miss the ease and simplicity–both visual and intuitive–of the iOs mail client. This, in fact, may send me back to exchange the Galaxy for an iPhone 5. I check my email via my phone all the time.

Two, the Samsung OS takes up 8 gigabytes of space. Yes, 8. EIGHT. I purchased a 16 gig phone thinking I had 13 gigs of space, and to my surprise, NOPE. Only 8.

The bad: Three more issues.

One, there is too much stuff on the Galaxy. Too much software doing too many things. Hello, Samsung: SOMETIMES LESS IS MORE! Sheesh, you guys. Strip down this OS and your customers will be happier. It took me two days to figure out what I was going to use and what I wouldn’t. Then another day to get rid of or hide the bloatware.

Two, the plastic casing feels cheap and flimsy in the hand. It just doesn’t feel solid, and an iPhone user will miss the sturdy feeling in the hand. I walked by another AT&T store the other day so I checked out the HTC One, which has a really respectable aluminum casing.

Three, the settings are insanely disorganized. You will figure them out. It just won’t be easy or intuitive. I am guessing that someone without the capacity for executive functioning in their brain designed the settings menus.

Here’s what is neither positive or negative: so far I haven’t noticed any extra flexibility from being in the android environment. It’s just different.

Now, the good. There are a lot of good features.

One, the camera is fantastic. Awesome, actually–dazzling. Wish I used it more!

Two, customizing ringtones is easy and built-in. This is a great feature for me, because I like to customize ringtones. I like to know who is calling me so I can decide whether or not to pick up. I am actually trying to train people to text me as a first contact. At least 50% of all phone conversations can be conducted more efficiently via text. So I want to know who’s calling, and for that I need specific ringtones. I always pick-up for my daughter’s school, for example.

Three, customizing the lock and home screens is easy and fun. But you do have to get rid of some of that terrible bloatware that Samsung features–like Flipboard.

Four, air wave is kinda cool. I do like being able to wave my hand over the phone and see the time, date, and my unread email count. Nice feature.

The great.

One, the screen is fantastic. You have to see it to believe it. That big, bright screen makes reading texts easy. It makes looking at anything easy.

Two, I like the bigger size of the phone. I would have liked Apple to make an iPhone that was the same size. Really, I would have.

I have a few more days left to exchange the phone for a $35 restocking fee. In the end, it may just come down to that terrible android email interface–I don’t know if I can live with it.

But the Samsung Galaxy S4 does feature many cool, worthwhile features.

art | autobiography | gratitude | love | real friends

Selfies the Munchkin took…

My inbox recently topped 10,000 messages. Really? Lordy. So I’m pruning the mail, deleting what should have been sent to the trash long ago, and moving other emails into specific mailboxes.

Meantime, I came upon these photos, taken by my daughter before my hair was cut into a bob.

Similar Posts

Leave a Reply Cancel reply