The Failure of Contemporary Psychotherapy

For one, I have heard–I have not verified this, but I heard it from a trusted source with a PhD–that bran scan imaging shows that brains are re-injured after a traditional talk session. All that complaining about your mother and the traumas of your youth: stop it now. Spit it out once for catharsis, accept that you had a raw deal, and move on. Your brain will thank you.

Two, every shrink I know personally, outside the office as a private individual, is a complete wingnut. And I know several. Do they help others? I hope so. But they are, each and every one, so extremely nuts that it makes me wonder. I have a private image of a dance of insanities in the office.

Three, my observation is that therapy doesn’t build character and create happy, upstanding, generous-hearted people. Rather, it gives people justification to be selfish jerks. It seems to build self-involvement, the kind that arises from justifying any old nasty behavior on the basis of old wounds.

One woman I know who is a trained psychiatrist with a thriving practice is mean-spirited and unkind to other women–socially. I’ve experienced it, as have other women of my acquaintance. But there’s no discussing it with her. She immediately disappears into her own head in a tautological dream of her own mother issues. Which, frankly, no one but her is interested in. It’s a closed and airless system.

There is a fundamental flaw at the heart of contemporary psychotherapy the way it is currently practiced by so many therapists. That is, it is looking for excuses. It is looking to soothe narcissism rather than to build core values that lead to self-esteem and success.

By core values, I refer to 1, hard work; 2, self-discipline; 3, persistence; 4, deferred gratification; 5, kindness; and 6, personal honor. These are not glamorous, touchy feely fuzzy wuzzy notions that the aging children of the 60’s invented to prolong their adolescence. These are ancient, codified rules that have withstood the test of time.

Take a look at the Bible. The ten commandments are actually 14 or 15 imperatives, and I freely confess I’ve broken a bunch of them. To my own detriment every time. Here’s one I didn’t break (at least that I know!): “Don’t steal.” That picks up several of the core values mentioned above, like self-discipline, kindness, and personal honor. “Don’t lie about your neighbor” goes to the same values. “Don’t cheat on your spouse” goes to those same three, plus deferred gratification.

I didn’t observe the no-cheating commandment, and boy oh boy, do I wish I had. Not because I’m sorry my former marriage dissolved, but because I wish I’d accomplished that dissolution in a way that maintained the values I believe in, that continued to build me into the person I intend to be.

There are no short cuts. Self-esteem isn’t built from the outside, from your parents or your shrink or your community telling you that you’re a wonderful person. That feels real nice, sure. But the bottom line is that self-esteem is built from the inside, by doing the right thing, especially when it’s hard to do the right thing. Even when your parents, your shrink, and your community is telling you that you’re not a nice person for following the dictates of your conscience.

There is a difference between the quick thrill of immediate gratification, and the deeper, more intense sweetness of the long, slow road of integrity.

I think often of southpaw Jim Abbott, who was born without a right hand, and still became a pitcher in major league baseball. The internet says he pitched a no-hitter to the Indians in 1993, while he was a Yankee. Here’s a man who had every excuse in the world for NOT BEING A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE. Contemporary psychotherapy would have let him off the hook a thousand ways to Sunday. But he didn’t fall for that load of crap. He worked hard, so hard he beat out thousands of gifted athletes with two whole arms, and became a pitcher for the Yankees.

I bet Mr. Abbott would have something to say about self-discipline, persistence, and deferred gratification.

There are no excuses.

I want to make it clear that I espouse the old values, but I dislike the old prejudices. I suspect that it was partly our collective attempt to be better people without the old prejudices that has led to the loss of the old values. But we threw the baby out with the dirty bathwater.

Gender, race, religion, and sexual preference are not the issue. They’re beside the point. Among gay and straight people, among black and white and yellow people, among Hindus and Jews and Muslims and Buddhists and Christians and atheists, there are people who practice self-discipline and honor and kindness, and people who don’t. Character is color-blind. There is a primary difference between external attributes, like skin color and sexual preference, and internal values, like honor and kindness.