KUDOS TO OXFORD HEALTH INSURANCE

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OK, my husband and I pay an astronomical amount for crappy health insurance. It boggles my mind how exorbitant it is, but we have a young child and have to do it.

But, in the mail recently, I received an amendment to my policy saying that Oxford will now recognize as spouses the partners in same sex marriages, where those are allowed by law.
Yay! Another step in the road toward the dignity of marriage which any two consenting adults deserve, regardless of gender, race, religion, etc. I applaud Oxford for taking this step.
NOW, can they lower the rates to something reasonable?

CONGRATULATIONS TO MAINE

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Complimenti and mazel tov to the state of Maine, whose House of Representatives voted to legalize same sex marriages.

I am an advocate of allowing any two consenting adults, over the legal age of adulthood, to get married. It doesn’t matter what gender, race, religion, or planetary affiliation. If they are taking on the commitment of this heart-achingly difficult journey of union, let’s support ’em. Let’s recognize their courage and applaud their intentions.
The joke I tell is that marriage is hell, so why should it be reserved for straight people? Gay people or bisexual people deserve to suffer just as much.
But it’s not really a joke. In my opinion, marriage is the second most difficult enterprise any two people can embark on, the most difficult being parenthood. Yes, the rewards of both are infinite. Literally, infinite, without boundary or end. However, so are the difficulties, challenges, and obstacles. People, even well meaning ones, will try to thwart the endeavor. It’s fraught with all kinds of pitfalls and opportunities. Hate and love aren’t opposites, they’re two halves of the same whole. It’s a miracle, in my mind, that 50% of all marriages last!
Or, as Chris Rock said it best, If you haven’t held a box of rat poison and the only thing stopping you is an old episode of CSI, you haven’t been married.
Or, as Harville Hendrix reportedly said in a TV interview, “When it gets really bad, that’s when it’s about to change. And most people leave when it’s really bad, so they never get to the change. I think that’s such a tragedy.”
And there’s always my re-incarnationist stance. Gender is a costume we’ve put on for this lifetime, and may change for the next. It’s the soul within that counts, and soul is genderless. So when two souls fall in love, let’s not hold their costumes against them.
So: YOU ROCK, MAINE! If gay or bisexual people want to marry, they have the absolute right to both the dignity and the pain of it!

Mrs. Obama’s arms

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I go to the gym almost every day. With 4 kids and some novels under construction and a screenplay slowly gearing up into pre-production (contemporary romantic comedy-drama, not IMMORTAL, which is also in pre-production), I don’t have a lot of time. Sometimes I get in a focused 30 minute run on the treadmill, which I can polish off in 44 minutes: 6 minutes to walk to the gym, 1 minute to show my ID, 7 minutes to walk back in sweaty spacey splendor. OK, two of my kids are at college, but still. Time is at a premium.

I also do plenty of yoga. When I don’t betake myself to Crunch, I spread out my mat on the living room floor, crank up Krishna Das on my Bose iPod speakers, and downward dog my way into inner peace. If one of my kids is throwing socks at me, it takes longer to stretch into nirvana. But I can usually get there.
So why aren’t my arms as buff as Michelle Obama’s?
We’re close in age, and though she only has 2 children, her job exacts longer hours. Yes, she has lots of people working for her–she has a cook and all, whereas I face the lamb chops and asparagus every night. But still. Being first lady is a 24/7 occupation, particularly the way she’s doing it, with integrity, warmth, and style. So when exactly does she find time to fit in twenty sets of a hundred push-ups and ten sets of 20 lb curls? I’d like to know.
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To Russia With Love, and Venus retrograde

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A Russian reader asked if I read Anne Rice. First, thank you for contacting me, Russia! Second, yes, I read Anne Rice. I greatly admire her ability to create a world that sucks you in and doesn’t let you go. I am not one of those people who adore vampires–really, during love-making, I don’t want my blood sucked–but I do love a good story, well told. Rice can do that. I hear she’s crazy religious now, which I regret.

But I do understand it. The call of spirit is always there. In my mind, writers are especially susceptible to the lure of the universe of creation. We hear it in the ear of our mind and its siren call is exquisite, undeniable. I can well understand the appeal and solace of a fundamentalist religion. To feel, every moment, that intimate ecstasy, that ravishing certainty…. Then there’s the other part of me that says, Vishnu is Jesus is Zeus is Adonai is Buddha, and it’s my uncertainty, my longing, that is holy. Heschel called faith “a blush before God.” Well, let’s keep blushing. Let’s not take on the anemia of knowing. It’s the approach, laden with wonder, that fortifies us, and praises the divine.

Now: we are a few days into Venus retrograde. In the Vedic system, some authorities say that Venus retrograde in Pisces, the sign of its exaltation, acts debilitated. I am not certain of that. The jury is still out for me.

What I have seen with retrograde planets is that they are internalized. A certain process of curiosity and exploration about them becomes necessary. When Mercury turns retrograde–communication and computers go haywire. You can straighten them out, you just have to ask yourself a series of questions: Why did this happen? How do I untangle this? What’s the deeper issue? With computers, I’ve seen a few times that there have been problems brewing, and Mercury moving backward brings those problems to light. You just can’t ignore the virus, or the erratic motherboard, anymore. Is that a debility, to deal with problems?

I like Vedic astrology and use it because it works. But I can’t forget that it is Moon centered, while Western astrology is sun centered. In Vedic astrology, there is an underlying assumption that what is comfortable, what solaces the moon, is what is best. In Western astrology, the underlying assumption is that we are all here to self-actualize, to become our fullest soul selves–to shine our light. So I always weigh the two systems, along with other archetypal systems. For me, it’s about having a variety of tools with which to understand.

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To Lissie and Bob, Respectfully, with Blessings

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To Lissie and Bob, Respectfully, with Blessings

I’ve reached that age where friends, and friends of friends, die. Parents have been passing for the last decade. Time’s attrition has set in. It can’t be denied, despite botox shots to the forehead and restylane fillers, retinA, yoga, and multivitamins. The years are relentlessly proceeding, scoring as they go.

Recently there were losses close to me. These were not losses to me personally, but to people I care about. My friend Geoffrey lost a sister. He sent an email last night, “Lissie passed away peacefully.” I said the quiet prayers I always do, and replied to Geoff that my love was with him and his family.

Three weeks ago my husband’s friend Bob died. Bob was a stalwart part of a circle of people in LA whom we have come to like very much. My husband spoke to Bob a few times a week and always enjoyed the conversations. Bob had a way of making a connection. His death came as a shock.

I met Bob only twice, enough to be impressed with his intelligence and big heart, his graciousness and sensitivity. Lissie I met a few times many years ago. She always struck me as one of those formidable Yankee women, lovely in her bones and capable and smart. I respected her.

Most of all, I appreciated Bob’s presence in my husband’s life, and Lissie’s presence in Geoffrey’s. I was glad to know that two people for whom I cared had good people around them.

May Lissie and Bob pass on to the highest heaven of pure light, and may those left behind feel their love more than their loss.

Falling in Love

Falling in Love

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Falling in Love

Falling in Love

I had to surrender a beloved Westie I’d had for almost 10 years. The Westie cringed whenever our rambunctious 4 year old moved. Finally the Westie had had enough, and she lunged with teeth and claws as my little one knelt in front of her. The result: deep scratches beside my daughter’s eye, and worst of all, puncture marks two centimeters from her eyeball. A trip to the emergency room later, we knew what had to be done.

Fortunately, the Westie Rescue people are lovely. They’re warm, kind, fiercely devoted dog people. I can not say enough good things about them. They took in the dog who could no longer fit with our family and found her a wonderful new home.

But, for me, a home isn’t a home without a pet. Research combined with my husband’s experience owning a labrador retriever convinced us that a lab was a better choice for our family. More research introduced us to a few breeders. We ended up with a yellow lab puppy.

His name is Gabriel and he makes us all laugh. He’s smart and adorable and funny, loving and sweet and rambunctious, infectiously exuberant, tolerant, playful, and always willing to snuggle. Puppies are magical. We are all enamored of him.