CONGRATULATIONS TO MAINE

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Complimenti and mazel tov to the state of Maine, whose House of Representatives voted to legalize same sex marriages.

I am an advocate of allowing any two consenting adults, over the legal age of adulthood, to get married. It doesn’t matter what gender, race, religion, or planetary affiliation. If they are taking on the commitment of this heart-achingly difficult journey of union, let’s support ’em. Let’s recognize their courage and applaud their intentions.
The joke I tell is that marriage is hell, so why should it be reserved for straight people? Gay people or bisexual people deserve to suffer just as much.
But it’s not really a joke. In my opinion, marriage is the second most difficult enterprise any two people can embark on, the most difficult being parenthood. Yes, the rewards of both are infinite. Literally, infinite, without boundary or end. However, so are the difficulties, challenges, and obstacles. People, even well meaning ones, will try to thwart the endeavor. It’s fraught with all kinds of pitfalls and opportunities. Hate and love aren’t opposites, they’re two halves of the same whole. It’s a miracle, in my mind, that 50% of all marriages last!
Or, as Chris Rock said it best, If you haven’t held a box of rat poison and the only thing stopping you is an old episode of CSI, you haven’t been married.
Or, as Harville Hendrix reportedly said in a TV interview, “When it gets really bad, that’s when it’s about to change. And most people leave when it’s really bad, so they never get to the change. I think that’s such a tragedy.”
And there’s always my re-incarnationist stance. Gender is a costume we’ve put on for this lifetime, and may change for the next. It’s the soul within that counts, and soul is genderless. So when two souls fall in love, let’s not hold their costumes against them.
So: YOU ROCK, MAINE! If gay or bisexual people want to marry, they have the absolute right to both the dignity and the pain of it!

Mrs. Obama’s arms

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I go to the gym almost every day. With 4 kids and some novels under construction and a screenplay slowly gearing up into pre-production (contemporary romantic comedy-drama, not IMMORTAL, which is also in pre-production), I don’t have a lot of time. Sometimes I get in a focused 30 minute run on the treadmill, which I can polish off in 44 minutes: 6 minutes to walk to the gym, 1 minute to show my ID, 7 minutes to walk back in sweaty spacey splendor. OK, two of my kids are at college, but still. Time is at a premium.

I also do plenty of yoga. When I don’t betake myself to Crunch, I spread out my mat on the living room floor, crank up Krishna Das on my Bose iPod speakers, and downward dog my way into inner peace. If one of my kids is throwing socks at me, it takes longer to stretch into nirvana. But I can usually get there.
So why aren’t my arms as buff as Michelle Obama’s?
We’re close in age, and though she only has 2 children, her job exacts longer hours. Yes, she has lots of people working for her–she has a cook and all, whereas I face the lamb chops and asparagus every night. But still. Being first lady is a 24/7 occupation, particularly the way she’s doing it, with integrity, warmth, and style. So when exactly does she find time to fit in twenty sets of a hundred push-ups and ten sets of 20 lb curls? I’d like to know.
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To Lissie and Bob, Respectfully, with Blessings

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To Lissie and Bob, Respectfully, with Blessings

I’ve reached that age where friends, and friends of friends, die. Parents have been passing for the last decade. Time’s attrition has set in. It can’t be denied, despite botox shots to the forehead and restylane fillers, retinA, yoga, and multivitamins. The years are relentlessly proceeding, scoring as they go.

Recently there were losses close to me. These were not losses to me personally, but to people I care about. My friend Geoffrey lost a sister. He sent an email last night, “Lissie passed away peacefully.” I said the quiet prayers I always do, and replied to Geoff that my love was with him and his family.

Three weeks ago my husband’s friend Bob died. Bob was a stalwart part of a circle of people in LA whom we have come to like very much. My husband spoke to Bob a few times a week and always enjoyed the conversations. Bob had a way of making a connection. His death came as a shock.

I met Bob only twice, enough to be impressed with his intelligence and big heart, his graciousness and sensitivity. Lissie I met a few times many years ago. She always struck me as one of those formidable Yankee women, lovely in her bones and capable and smart. I respected her.

Most of all, I appreciated Bob’s presence in my husband’s life, and Lissie’s presence in Geoffrey’s. I was glad to know that two people for whom I cared had good people around them.

May Lissie and Bob pass on to the highest heaven of pure light, and may those left behind feel their love more than their loss.

The President as Hottie

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I think it’s well established now that not only is President Obama an august statesman, eloquent orator, brilliant writer and thinker, and, really, the hope of America–he is also fine.
It’s not just the lean, chiseled face and eyes sparkling with intelligence. It’s not just the easy smile, the taut physique, or the gracious demeanor. It’s also the way he treats his wife. The obvious respect and affection which he continually exhibits toward her is really, really sexy. What did he ask at one of the inaugural balls–“How good-looking is my wife?” She looked gorgeous, and he couldn’t have been hotter than in that moment of proclaiming it!
But what will it do to the national female psyche to have such an attractive president?
I can imagine some of the discussions because I am a frisky, red-blooded woman living with a tribe of frisky, red-blooded women: 4 daughters. Well, 3 and a step, but I consider the step one of mine. Even the 4 year old discusses nail polish, though I won’t let her have lip gloss yet.
Here’s an imaginary conversation:
American woman: “President Obama’s oversight rules for the financial industry will bring much needed stability, and meticulous integrity, to it.”
Her girlfriend: “Yes, and his plan for health care reform is shaping up to help and empower the American people. Glad he’s put limits on the salaries of health insurance executives.”
First woman, sighing: “And didn’t he look good last night on the address? He looks out from the screen with those soulful eyes and it’s like he can see right into the depths of your being!”
Girlfriend: “I think he’s doing more push-ups lately, his shoulders are luscious….”
First woman: “I have got to tell you about the sex dream that Anne had about him….”
From there the conversation goes into explicit detail. Then they discuss Anne’s hair cut (good), Barb’s new eye-liner (not good), and Carol’s boss, who’s hitting on her. Then the conversation circles back to foreign and domestic policy change and implementation, stem cell research, and the books they’re each reading in their respective book clubs.

Top Three Items to be Fixed by the New Administration

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There are many problems facing this country right now. Here are my top 3 on the hit list for President Obama:

1. Health Care reform. My husband and I are self-employed, and our monthly health insurance bill is staggering. It went up 20% from last year, and it’s a crappy policy. We have a small child so health insurance isn’t optional for us.
I’m no lawyer, but from what I’ve heard, one huge expense in health care is malpractice insurance. Doctors might get sued for $4,000,000,000 for a mistake or accident, so they shell out enormous quantities of cash for malpractice insurance.
Ok, so now it’s time for what lawyer friends tell me is tort reform. Meaning, we have to place a value on human life and limb. So, if you go in to have an appendix removed and the surgeon removes your left leg instead, he only pays $5 million. Or if you’re having a baby and the obstetrician drops the newborn and its head smashes open and it dies, she can only be sued for $10 million. Let’s place those limits so we can bring down the cost of malpractice insurance so that EVERYONE CAN AFFORD DECENT HEALTH INSURANCE… without having to sell a kidney!
To implement this, we will also need better oversight of doctors. They make mistakes; they’re human. I propose oversight composed of both medical doctors and laymen.
2. Education. “No child left behind” sounds good in theory, but in practice what it has done is forced frantic teachers to teach for tests. They used to teach a curriculum. Now they teach the kids how to answer specific questions. This is not helping our children learn, or learn how to learn.
I propose that every district have an oversight panel, and every school have a committee of kids who give reports on the teachers. Here’s the thing: the kids always know which teachers are good and which aren’t. And the teachers always know which kids are decent and honorable, and which aren’t. 
For instance, in my daughters’ school, there is a terrible science teacher. He doesn’t prepare the kids for college science–the kids who’ve graduated all agree on that. But he’s head of the science department, so he’s always going to be there, failing to teach adequately.
For which reason, let one of the committees, either the kid’s committee or the oversight panel, reach out to college students to ask them: Who prepared you for college, and who didn’t?
3. Sharp limits on salaries and bonuses of executives in industries which receive bailout money. Dear President Obama: you are using my tax money to rescue avaricious business people who refused to consider the long-term effects of their actions. Please don’t reward them for their greed and lust for immediate gratification. No executive, from mid-level management up, in one of those rescued industries, should earn more than $100,000 in all wages and compensation for five years. Let them sell some of their assets. They should pay, too, just as we ordinary citizens are paying for their selfishness.
There are at least ten other vitally important areas to be addressed. These are one woman’s top three.
Inauguration Day

Inauguration Day

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I can only say how happy I am. I remember, as a little girl, sitting in front of the TV, watching Nixon resign. I remember my father’s unhappiness as he told me that the president had lied to the American people. What an arc we’ve led, from that moment. I don’t think I’ve trusted a president, or a politician, since. I just expect them all to be, well, kinda sleazy.
I liked that wily rascal Clinton, and agreed with his politics. But trust, now, that hasn’t come until this moment, now. I believe in Barack Obama. His strong marriage impresses me. I admire his goals, his emphasis on service, his interest in a national dialogue about health care.
I believe again, in the American ideals.